If a couple shares a set of values, they are headed for marital bliss. However, when values are diametrically opposed, a relationship suffers. Your values system is what drives decisions and it is often based on a system that you inherited from your parents. These values are tied to specific subjects that you value honesty, a work ethic, responsibility, integrity and other drivers like children, family, privacy and stability. If these differ between a man and a woman in a relationship, conflict will strike at each and every turn. Let’s say you marry a person that does not value education, but you value education. You want to be a lifelong learner, but your partner does not. On the surface, you might be okay with that. Now, let’s think more deeply about it. In the twenty-first century, education is a must. That might mean the sky’s going to be the limit for you but not for your partner. Is your husband going to be okay with you making more? Is he going to be okay with you out-positioning him? It might make you devalue or disrespect him because he’s not a top earner and cannot compete with you in that area. While this is not an end- all example, it does highlight why values need to be aligned between you and your partner.
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